IMEEJI INBOX

[mind_blown]

"This is Jason. Leave a message.

Or don't. I don't care."

Comments

[iamverybadass]

Oh, at that part they're excellent. I couldn't trust even Wild City when I first arrived, and you have seen what my relationship with them is like now.

[mind_blown]

Yeah, mom.

[said with half a smirk.

It’s teasing.]

[iamverybadass]

She is more deserving of the title than the woman who bore me.

[mind_blown]

[hm. so that is what he meant.]

So, this related to what you said earlier, then...?

[iamverybadass]

... I'm going to need you to be more blunt. We're talking through too many levels of caution.

[mind_blown]

Fair enough.

You said you already knew stuff that "screwed you up."

Family seems like an easy enough guess.

[iamverybadass]

Oh.

Well...yes, but only my mother. Who do you think tried to make me an assassin?

[mind_blown]

That's not as obvious a connection as you might think, kiddo.

Like, your father didn't exactly make both of us normal, well-balanced people.

[iamverybadass]

He did not meet me until I was 10. Possibly 9...

I do not think he had much say in how I turned out.

[mind_blown]

So, what happened with your mom?

[just going to pointedly pull the conversation back to that frame of reference.]

[iamverybadass]

... She...was—is. She is a confusing woman. I...think she loves me? But her idea of training includes sending me alone into the woods while assassins hunt for me.

[mind_blown]

[he doesn't know her, but he dislikes this immensely. Like, he's actually visibly angry.]

What the fuck.

[iamverybadass]

[ Shrugs, glancing away. He's pretty clearly tense talking about this. ]

That is not all that I recall. I don't think Silver knows what to say about it.

[mind_blown]

I can think of a few things.

But you told your team?

[iamverybadass]

They saw the first memory of her I got back. Haruto called her manipulative. ...Only Silver has seen the others, but it was... I took those at the same time as a few others. I think he was too overwhelmed to talk about it.

[mind_blown]

So you didn't tell them. They just happened to be there.

[he frowns, clearly mulling over what to say.]

[iamverybadass]

...I suppose so. We used to take memories together more often, but lately...there has been too much going on.

[mind_blown]

How does all that shit make you feel though? It's clearly still bothering you, if you're willing to bring it up to me.

[iamverybadass]

[ Another shrug. He draws his knees up to his chest so he can hunch over them. ]

I do not know. ...Confused? She clearly cares about me. She has even saved me on multiple occasions, but she...

I don't know. Did she really believe she was doing the best for me with the training I was made to endure? And even if she did, she—placed...a bounty on me... Perhaps she did not expect anyone to be able to defeat me, but if she was angry with me then why could we not simply talk to each other?

[mind_blown]

[you know, he knows it's going to suck.

and it's slightly invasive. but now is a good time to use Eris Alert. He closes his eyes, just to hide their change in color-- and also to try and think through everything that just came out of his mouth.]

... Sounds like a crock of BS. From her. I don't know why she did any of the things she did, and I'm not gonna try to explain it or say "there's good in everyone," or whatever. At some point, it doesn't fucking matter. What she did was wrong.

[iamverybadass]

[ There is a lot. The most overwhelming is a sense of deep sadness and guilt. Had he not been good enough?

There's layers of confused hurt and anger wound up through it, and threads of a deep need for approval that is wrapped pretty unhealthily around love for her. ]

She wanted me to be strong. Strong enough to defeat any enemy. ...Is it still wrong if she succeeded in that? Even the assassins that came for me later were no match for me.

[mind_blown]

... Yeah.

[he pauses, and reaches over to ruffle his hair, lightly. Already regretting it, but at the same time not letting that regret stop him. he could ignore his misgivings about family for this, and try to be a brother someone would actually want to have.]

Yeah, actually, she is. You were fine, even if you didn't beat every single enemy that came after.

[iamverybadass]

[ Finally glances up at him, resisting the urge to lean into that touch. He's already pushing a lot of boundaries now. Overstepping isn't a mistake he wants to make again. ]

...Thank you.

[mind_blown]

[his hand lingers for a moment. and then he pulls it back, resting his arms on the edge of the unit.]

Don't thank me for the truth. You can just keep that.

And talk to your team. They clearly want what's best for you.

[he still thinks that the one he called 'Mom' has a point. She was clearly looking out for people who would just hurt him in the end.

But he's trying.]

[iamverybadass]

[ Ughhh slumps even further over his knees, but there is a twitch of a smile under all that sulk ]

I know they do. I was lucky to be placed with them, but it is not exactly an easy subject to raise.